Peter Grant ( @StinkyandEddie ) Twitter Profile

StinkyandEddie

Peter Grant

Author of the popular Stinky Stories. More happy endings, less politics. All humor is original, humorous or not.

Joined on 1 May, 2014

http://stinkyandeddie.com

  • 222 Tweets
  • 2.3k Followers
  • 1.8k Following

#WriTweet Elmo!'s autobiography promises to be a best-seller, if he could only write it. His latest ghostwriter has leverage: he's also working with two of Elmo!'s exes, who are penning their own version of the superstar's exploits.

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#MakeAChristmasSongManly I saw Mommy diddling Santa Claus...

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#MakeAChristmasSongManly Sleighbells ring, no one's listening./In the lane, snow is glistening./A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight,/In our college football wonderland.

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#MakeAChristmasSongManly Don we now our L. L. Bean apparel...

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Replying to @TonyFan1420: Wow.

Santa just posted his naughty list. And itโ€™s almost identical to my followers list.

๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผ

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Wow.

Santa just posted his naughty list. And itโ€™s almost identical to my followers list.

๐ŸŽ…๐Ÿผ

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Replying to @TheBabylonBee: People More Likely To Believe In Hell After Shopping At Walmart

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People More Likely To Believe In Hell After Shopping At Walmart

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#UpdateAChristmasCarol Bells on bobtail ring/Making PETA mad/Cutting off a horse's tail/Is really, really bad.

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#UpdateAChristmasCarol Mary nodded pa-rum-pa-pa-pum/"Get your ass outta here," pa-rum-pa-pa-pum."

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#UpdateAChristmasCarol The first "Noel" the angels did say/Was a different language, we know that today.

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#UpdateAChristmasCarol Hark, the herald angels sing/"Glory to the newborn...thing."/We can't say the k-word, 'cause/It might give the snowflakes pause.

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#UpdateAChristmasCarol Frosty the Snowman is a fairy tale they say/'Cause progressives know gender's not for snow/And he wasn't made that way.

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#UpdateAChristmasCarol "Say, what's in this drink?"
"Baby, it's cold outside."
"You're goin' to th' klink."

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Quoted @TheFaceOfDave

Instagram is Twitter for the illiterate.

You learn something every day. I thought Twitter was the Twitter for illiterates.

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#WriTweet Campus loyalties are upended and tested when a football star drops his baton-twirling steady and proposes to the quarterback's roommate.

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Last night's waiter was exceptionally professional and had good recommendations. Turns out he moved to LA from DC a few months ago. I told him he was too reliable and honest to survive in DC, and he said he'd been trying to get out for five years.

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Replying to @BeaglePep: Oh Christmas tree Oh Christmas tree,

Your ornaments are history.

๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿถ

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Replying to @SJKSalisbury: In heaven you are shown a film of your entire life. In hell you are shown the same film but with the cast and crew audioโ€ฆ

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In heaven you are shown a film of your entire life. In hell you are shown the same film but with the cast and crew audio commentary switched on.

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Quoted @caldmurchfield

#INeedInsuranceOn my VRBO property, apparently.

Lesson learned: If you have two wives, don't assume they'll work cooperatively as the guest relations staff.

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Replying to @caldmurchfield: @AgathaChocolats Traveling incognito to the latest Entmoot.

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@AgathaChocolats Traveling incognito to the latest Entmoot.

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Oh Christmas tree Oh Christmas tree,

Your ornaments are history.

๐ŸŽ„๐Ÿถ

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