♊️ Part-time tweeter, full-time workaholic. Engineer. I code, run, travel, ❤️baseball. Rockies & Mariners fan. Future alcoholic.
Joined on 25 June, 2016
#IfIHadMoreGuidance I would have won your heart, instead of your spleen.
Carefully crafted pun: 1 like.
“I hate pants”: 1500 likes.
You’re weird twitter.
My Love will Drift You Up #BadWeatherTunes
I did the air bike at the gym for an hour this morning. Mostly just blew stinky gym air around the place. Reminded me of you.
Who drank all the vodka? How am I going to eat my cornflakes now!
#TheTwitterGodsSmile when tweets rhyme!...uh...erstwhile.
Today was such a shitty day. One of those where the future goes from clear to murky. Can’t get into twitter tonight, need sleep.
The missing scrolls of Alexandria #WhatsHiddenInTheFinePrint
#ItsNotTheHolidaysWithout broken dreams and crippling depression. lol.
People talking behind my back seem to forget that I fart alot.
With the garden gnomes #UnlikelyElfOnTheShelfLocations
I won’t share my cake with you right now but #WhenILikeYouIWill
Wander Woman #1LetterWrongAMovie
Stocking stuffer idea:
Need a low-key name for your operation? Sad to say “Evil Corp” is already taken.
trouble with the stealth thing #WhyImNotANinja
When life gives you lemons, switch it up, who doesn’t like a couple nice melons.
It’s one of those days - no matter where I am, I’d rather be somewhere else.
Didn’t go to electoral college #TheReasonICouldntBePresident